Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
It’s easy to forget that people who are cute and adorable can hold awful biases inside their heads. This doesn’t make them a bad person, just someone who maybe needs to think a little bit about their opinions and what they mean to others. For whatever reason, encountering trolls on the internet, is well, easier. You don’t have to see their face, their eyes or their smile. You can’t make any assumptions about them based on what they’re wearing or how good of a hair day they’re having.
I was reminded of this last week when I had the pleasure of doing on the street shoot for a client and we were asking people questions about their various opinions on some legislative issues of the day. I was shocked how many people freely used terms like “That’s retarded.” or “Nah, I think that’s gay.” I was so upset by this. I know I should have been less thrown off by it, but I just couldn’t help it. I literally forgot that people say shitty shit EVEN WHEN they aren’t hiding behind a computer screen.
Luckily, I was hanging out with my friend Sarah Von Bargen of Yes and Yes fame that day and she gave me a stellar tip that was shared with her and I’m now passing on to you:
When someone says something offensive to you, literally pretend like you didn’t hear them and say: “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”
The person that passed this expert approach to deescalating ugly reported that very few people actually repeat their less than kind comment a second time. And if someone is willing to think about what they said for an addition 2 seconds and then are given the chance to repeat it and STILL do, that’s a good indicator that the person you are hanging out with is perhaps not worth spending time with.
I started thinking about this simple response more and I honestly think that it can work for deescalating trolls on the internet too, with some minor modifications of course. So here’s how I plan to respond to all future internet trolls:
When someone tweets or posts or comments something offensive at me, I will say: “I’m sorry, did you want to say that again?”
Admittedly, it’s more aggressive. And it’s more direct. But, the truth is that if someone is willing to take a second and think about it and respond the same way, it’s not only a good indication that this is a person who needs to be blocked, but it gives them the chance to think about their actions one more time and reconsider their words.
Shutting down trolls is an unfortunate reality of living and working in the internet age, which is why I am sort of numb to it in my daily interactions on the web. But when it happens in face to face interactions, it hurts more. it feels more aggressive. And it can be even more shocking, which means it can be difficult to know how to react. By having this simple one-sentence response in my back pocket, I hope to shut down more nastiness in the world.
How do you shut down trolls or trollish statements when you hear them in real life or online?
At my full time gig, I run into a lot of crazy stuff on our social media accounts. There’s the spammers, the disgruntled users, the small businesses looking to find customers and myriad other things. One of those most difficult issues we face though is how to handle negative comments.
In social spaces, good and bad discussions are visible to the world. It’s easy to accept and even celebrate the good comments. It’s hard to embrace the bad, but it’s critical that you do. A disgruntled customer can quickly create a digital mob scene on your wall, so here’s some guidelines that I use to handle it.
Listening is key. Just like in real life, when you are having an issue in a restaurant, store, at work, wherever, you don’t want your voice to go unheard. If I were to interrupt our users in real life, they’d probably want to slap me. You need to read these negative comments and absorb the information.
Once you’ve listened, communicate that you’ve read the comment and are working towards addressing the problem or finding a solution. You don’t enjoy the added value of body language and non-verbal communication online that you do in a real life conversation, so you need to be more deliberate in these forums.
Next, truly try to address the issue and if possible, take the conversation offline. A simple post saying, “could you please email Amy at [email protected] or call her at ###-###-#### to resolve your issue” when you have an answer. Other users see that you have resolved the issue, but it allows you to work out any minor details without cluttering your wall or Facebook feed. Plus, it’s very easy for a twitter conversation to feel impersonal, whereas a voice to voice conversation easily allows you to lower any tension.
Of course, the trolls will be trolls. It can be difficult to know how to deal with these characters, however, I would never ignore them. You may not address every single post, but check in occasionally with a “thank you for letting us know” kind of remark just to acknowledge the comments.
How do you deal with negative comments in social media?
