14th January 2016

The Badass Bitches Guide to Vulnerability

Here’s a secret about me: Twelve months ago, I hated vulnerability. I hated feeling vulnerable. I hated being in a vulnerable situation. I hated the definition of vulnerable. I hated even having the word associated in my general direction. Me and vulnerability weren’t on good terms.

Then something crazy happened. I broke up with my boyfriend. Ok, that’s not all that crazy. But here was the thing: no one knew. I was so mortified by the way we broke up that I didn’t tell my family. I didn’t tell my friends. I told my employees I had to move - the rest was implied. In addition to hating vulnerability, I am also an incredibly proud person. This combination is deadly when it comes to grown-up life. It manifests itself in all sorts of ways: I delay going to the doctor when I should. I never ask for help when carrying large, heavy objects. This has hurt my back and my pride more than a few times. But it’s also been incredibly useful. I get shit done. My feelings go unhurt most of the time. I am never overly sensitive to harsh feedback and can usually look at things pretty logically.

Heartbreak is different, though. It’s not logical. It’s not avoidable. It’s presence always lurking for longer than you’d expect. In the midst of my breakup and move out, I had to cancel a meeting with a client. I figured it was no big deal, but when she called me back, she said:

“What are you doing?”

It was routine. It was plain. I could have avoided the truth. Instead, I told her.

“I am attempting to pack up my life and move out of this house and not fall apart.”

I was immediately embarrassed to have let my guard down. To have told her the honest truth was not my plan. My plan was to bullshit. To reschedule. I failed.

“I’m coming over.”

When you consider yourself a badass, you don’t want to be associated with anything that will make you feel decidedly un-badass. You don’t want to be seen in your worst sweats. You don’t want to be seen with your makeup all over your face. You don’t want to be seen sobbing. Or failing to eat. Or breathe. Or function. And I know I was ALL of those things in that moment. I was failing at being a functional human adult, let alone being a badass. But I did something that day that I’m still surprised by: I let this client help me. I let her sit with me while Beyonce songs played and I cried and packed my coffee mugs and vases. I let her see me at my worst. I trusted that she would still want to work with me when it was all over.

Spoiler: She did. We continue to work together in a business capacity today.

But even better, she became one of my closest friends that day. She became a confidant. A sister of sorts. And my secret keeper. She saw a badass in pain AND chose to know that I was more. She chose to forget that image and retain the one of the leather jacket-wearing Liz that I’m so proud to be. She chose to help a badass get back to her badassery.

This event has taught me a tremendous amount about myself. This is just a highlight reel of those things, but if you’re struggling to let the real pain you’re facing see the light of day - I suggest you open that window. The truth is that being an entrepreneur is an isolating and exhausting life choice. Closing ourselves off from our feelings and emotions only prevents us from growing as professionals and as people. I became a better business woman in the months after this client helped me move. And it was because we now had a report that was entirely open, entirely free of pretense and built on a foundation of: “hey, it’s OK. I know you’re a badass - even when you’re not.”

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Understand that pain is powerful force for good. It makes us empathize and sympathize with one another. It gives us the capacity to give to someone when they need it and accept that gift in return.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Get past the pretense and see the real person. Knowing the people you’re working with closely gives all of us a deeper relationship. The team becomes stronger. The work becomes more personal.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Have a healthy dose of fear when taking big risks. That reality check makes us better planners, better leaders and better partners.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Focus on the real heart of your story. It gives us the clarity to see what really makes our business and our people special. It allows us to be better bosses who understand and appreciate our employees and their paths that led us together. It provides tremendous insight into our clients because it allows us to respect that they have pain points as a business too and alleviating those pains is what will give us the ability to be a truly powerful team.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… See beyond the logical goals and missions of an organization and appreciate the human element of everything we do. At Mighteor, we tell stories. And the best stories are always a little bit random.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Ask for help when we need it. Whether that’s hiring more support. Turning to a colleague and having the courage to ask them to pitch in. Or giving the boss the true picture of what is really happening in the moment, so they can make it better.

Vulnerability allows a badass to… Truly celebrate the real wins. When my colleague and friend’s business successfully raised $3 Million - I cried. I felt completely part of that victory. I felt so proud. I felt so honored to have been part of the journey.

If you’re afraid of vulnerability - maybe ask yourself why. Because it’s not making you stronger. In fact, it’s probably making you weaker. And as any good badass knows, weakness is never the goal.

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14th January 2016

The Badass Bitches Guide to Vulnerability

The End