Being Geek Chic is a blog about one woman navigating the male-dominated industries of production and tech. It's written by Elizabeth Giorgi, Founder, CEO and Director of Mighteor - one of the world's first internet video production companies. Learn more about Mighteor here.
If fear could blow up my phone, it would be. Imagine text after text with fire emojis, angry faces and large, bold Xs. When I go to work each day. When I go on dates. When I think about my next professional move. When I talk to my family and friends. Me and fear, we’re kind of seeing each other. Way too much.
But this isn’t a toxic relationship. It could be. But instead, I’m accepting it. I’m willingly looking it in the eye and saying: hey, come hang out over here. This is a conscious choice and I’m not blocking fear on my phone anytime soon. Sure, sometimes, I’m still terribly scared, but most of the time, I’m aware, willing and participating in the relationship.
Let me get away from the metaphors and just narrow in on it: I’m seeing fear because I’m dating again. I’m seeing fear because I’m trying to grow my business in a huge way. And I’m seeing fear because my heart feels totally capable of being broken again. You only get there when you’re healed.
There’s no point in pretending like it’s a mystery: I was really, really unstable and unhappy for at least half of 2015. But what’s weird about being unhappy is that you don’t really fear being any more unhappy when you’re in it. You dread it. But you don’t fear it. That’s how you know you’re truly fucking sad. You can’t imagine being sadder.
So imagine me now… laying in bed talking about my favorite pre-Pixar Disney movies and trying to bask in the happiness. All the while, knowing that pain is likely on the other side. I write stories for a living - and MOST of the ones that real people live don’t close with happy endings. That’s why we write them. Because we are always trying to even the score.
At the same time, I am writing checks with lots of 0s after the comma to build a next iteration of my dream business. The comfortable home, the expensive bottles of wine and the addiction to the nice makeup at Sephora has to go on hold while I build a new room in this career castle. Before the addition, we were doing just fine. But I also wasn’t chasing after happy while having a love affair with fear.
I guess what I’m trying to say is; If you’re flirting with fear, maybe ask it to hang out. You might be surprised how happy accepting it can make you.
