It doesn’t matter if it’s your career, your vacation or your relationship - everyone has expectations. Hopefully, if you have a fairly positive outlook on life, you have high expectations for yourself, your mentors, friends, colleagues and partners. That’s human nature. And it’s actually super healthy.
But the trouble with life is that dreaming these dreams and imagining our ideal idea is not a promise that things will go the way you want them to. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it. It just means: keep an open mind, because if things don’t go as planned, you need to be able to treat yourself kindly in those moments.
When things go wrong, you will feel so frustrated with yourself for having goals. You will feel like a failure. You may feel ashamed and embarrassed, as I have many times. You may even be convinced that you are the reason things failed. And you may be the reason. But, also, maybe not.
And that’s the whole point.
When people give life advice, they often talk about how you should just keep striving. People will tell you to just forge ahead even when your literal worst case scenario is your day to day life. These people are trying really hard to help you, because they care about you. They want to give you a methodology to survive this moment in time somehow. Other people, like your friends, family, colleagues and random strangers will be SO nice to you. And that helps. It does. BUT! Surviving sometimes means being really, really, absurdly kind to yourself too. Buying the new shoes. Repeating positive, happy thoughts all the time. Going on that dream vacation you’ve been putting off. Or really, sometimes, it’s just avoiding the blame cloud until you’re ready to do healthy self-reflection without the raw, fresh emotions hanging overhead.
So…
When your dream job is more of a nightmare than you could have imagined - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When your vacation isn’t going as planned and it rains the whole damn time - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When you don’t get into the college you always wanted to attend - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When your blog doesn’t go anywhere after you’ve invested so much time - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When you lose all your money on a grand business bet - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When your perfect apartment is also right next door to crazy party animals and you have to move - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When your face decides to break out on the big day of your photo shoot - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
When you give your heart to someone and the relationship still fails - that’s OK. Treat yourself kindly.
The ONLY responsibility you have as a person is to look at yourself kindly and move forward with the same amount of positivity, grace and goodness as you had before things didn’t work out.
That’s HOW you’ll be OK.